University life brings many new experiences. One of the most challenging can be living with someone you know little or nothing about. Perhaps you may be living with someone you know well but have never lived with.
Either way, living with anyone in a small space can be frustrating at times, but often, a rewarding experience. Generally, people believe that when they like each other, living together will be easy. Simply liking someone does not necessarily imply that you can live together successfully.
Living with someone involves something different than simply liking the person. It involves being able to talk and share ideas, being tolerant as well as being able to compromise and agree on how to handle situations.
Living with room/flat mates can present special, sometimes intense, problems.
Negotiating respect of personal property, personal space, sleeping arrangements and relaxation needs can be a complex task. The complexity increases when roommates are of different ethnic or cultural backgrounds with very different values and practices. Therefore, communicating one’s legitimate needs in a calm and patient manner is important.
Listening with respect to a roommate’s concerns and needs are also of the utmost importance. Being willing to compromise to meet each other’s most important needs can promote a healthy relationship.
It is unrealistic to expect that roommates will be best friends. Roommates may work out in terms of a mutually satisfying living arrangement, but the reality is that each may tend to have his or her own circle of friends. THIS IS NORMAL.
Living together requires certain skills. These skills can be of benefit in any situation in which you need to share space. Whenever two people live together there are always both similarities and differences. Inevitably, there needs to be compromises, but there is also room for each party to learn something valuable from each other. It is not necessary for people to agree on feelings, preferences or opinions, however it is necessary to understand each other and respect each other’s rights.
Skills to have/Learn to develop to enjoy your stay with others:
Self-knowledge and confidence. If you know yourself, you would be confident enough to share feelings, dislikes and likes, personal preferences, habits and characteristics - especially the “quirks” we all have. You need to share information about your emotional styles so that the roommate can read and understand feelings.
Communication skills: In order to negotiate and identify common areas of conflict, including cleanliness of the living space, noise, visitors, study arrangements, sharing of belongings, financial responsibilities, values, social lifestyles and schedules. COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
You need to listen to each other without interrupting and focusing on truly understanding how he/she feels.
‘Seek to first understand and then to be understood.’ _ Stephen R Covey
‘Seek to first understand and then to be understood.’ _ Stephen R Covey