The moment your child is born, they begin to develop an array of new abilities as well as the confidence to use them. They cry, eat, turn over, talk and so much more. As they become older, they will need to sustain their confidence. This will help them learn new and more difficult skills, believe in their own abilities, become aware of their strengths and areas of development, and understand how to overcome obstacles that they will inevitably encounter. Instilling healthy confidence in your children is essential; above all else, it requires good communication and honesty.
Children should be able to talk about themselves positively. They should know what they are good at. They should feel good about being good at the things they do. Confident children tend to have the ability to tie their level of effort and work into their ability. As soon as children are verbal and are able to express what they are good at and you are then able to start working on their sense of confidence and self-esteem. By having consistent conversations with your kids, compliment them, and asking them what they
think they did well will help them learn how to be comfortable talking about themselves, complimenting themselves, and being honest about their strengths and their areas of development from an early age.
In saying this, the line between confidence and arrogance is a thin one. If your child begins to act arrogant, they may start bragging about their strengths or talents, they may begin hiding their own flaws or putting others down in order to make themselves feel better. This brings about a new challenge; how do parents instil confidence, but also keep their children’s egos in check?
Unfortunately, there is no single answer for this question.
We have compiled a list of ways parents can limit arrogance or conceitedness in children:
1. Identify the Root of the Problem
Look at your child’s development in retrospect. Was he/she super-smart as a toddler and encouraged to show off his/her talents in front of adults to satisfy your feelings of pride?
Was he/she given the message through affectionate parenting that he/she was the centre of the universe, and thus acquired a skewed sense of his/her importance and a sense of entitlement?
Parents who tend to overindulge a child with too much praise may create an arrogant child. This mainly has the potential to occur when the child is extremely proficient in one specific area, such as sports or academics. Parents are often in awe of their over-achieving child and want to promote this to the point that they will be promoting it themselves to their peers as a means to show off.
2. Talk to Your Children’s Teachers
Chances are, if your child is behaving arrogantly at home, he/she could potentially be displaying the same behaviour in their school environment. Talk to your child’s teachers and coaches to adequately understand the scope of the problem. Make them aware that you are dealing with the issue and request them to be patient with your child and to keep you up to date when they see signs of improvement.
3. Talk to Your Child in Private
While pervasive arrogance is a trait you want to correct, you also do not want to humiliate your child by reprimanding them in front of others. Each time you witness your child acting superior, ridiculing others, contradicting adults or displaying any other form of rudeness, take them aside and talk with them about the consequences of their behaviour. As the parent, it is your responsibility to teach your child and give them the tools to behave differently and more positively.
4. Be a Positive Role Model
Examine your own interpersonal relationship skills. Do you always have to be right, and put down the opinions of others to get your point across? In a debate, must you always win? If you discover, through honest introspection, that you are modelling arrogant behaviour to your child, then it is time for an adjustment on your part as well.
Children learn from what they observe and experience. If your child sees you behaving with courtesy, kindness, and humility toward others, they will be more inclined to mirror your behaviour.
5. Be Understanding
Children who exhibit arrogant or conceited behaviours may feel inferior and attempt to cover their feelings of inadequacy by bragging about the excellent skills they possess.
Continue to praise your child for his/her positive behaviours, to balance the lessons regarding arrogance, to keep your child’s self-worth intact. As a caring parent, teach your child what arrogant behaviour is, why it is disrespectful to themselves and towards others, and how to curb it.
Understand the reasons they may be acting in this manner as well. Talk to your child to see what the underlying reason for their behaviours may be. It is important to listen attentively to them and provide any support or reasoning which may be needed during this conversation.
Over and above the above-mentioned points, also know that teaching a child confidence is not as simple as shouting “You’re great!” at them until they have a healthy sense of self-esteem. Modelling confident behaviours, understanding their strengths, and making success a product of individual and communal efforts.
What Does Teaching Confidence Look Like in Practice?
For example, take a child who has really excelled in their maths test. Their parents should definitely acknowledge and compliment them for their success. They should let them know that they did well, but then also ask them the steps it took to get them there. How did they study? Did they do something different this time? Did they pay extra attention in class, or ask the teacher clarifying questions? Talking to the child about
the process of their success, complimenting them on taking those steps, pointing out what steps can be repeated for future tests, and pointing out people who helped them get there, will help them feel confident in their work and recognise both the internal and external factors which helped them achieve success.
Keep an eye out for the next article, we will continue to discuss and explore the importance of confidence in children and how we can go about teaching this in a healthy manner.
“Confidence comes not only from being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”