It may seem like there is nothing you can do about stress…
“The bills won’t stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day, work and family responsibilities are all so demanding.”
You have a lot more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realisation that you are in control of your life is the foundation of managing stress. Stress management is all about taking charge of your lifestyle, thoughts, emotions, and the way you deal with problems. No matter how stressful your life seems, there are steps you can take to relieve the pressure and regain control.
Stress is a reaction to a situation where a person feels threatened or anxious. Stress can be positive (e.g., preparing for a wedding) or negative (e.g., dealing with a natural disaster). The symptoms may be physical or emotional.
Everyone—adults, teens, and even children—experiences stress at times. Stress can be beneficial. It can help people develop the skills they need in order to deal with possible threatening situations throughout life. Stress is not helpful when it prevents a person from taking care of themselves or inhibits their daily functioning. You can place problems into perspective by developing healthy coping mechanisms. Receiving the right care and support can help reduce stressful feelings and symptoms.
Why is it so important to manage stress?
If you are living with high levels of stress, you are putting your entire well-being at risk. Stress can cause chaos on your emotional equilibrium as well as your physical health. It narrows your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy life.
Effective stress management, on the other hand, helps you break the ‘hold’ stress has on your life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, fun, as well as the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on. However, bear in mind, stress management is not one-size-fits-all. That is why it is important to experiment and find out what works best for you.
Tips on managing stress:
Identify the sources of stress in your life:
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This is not as straightforward as it sounds. While it is easy to identify major stressors such as exams, changing jobs, moving or going through a divorce, pinpointing the sources of chronic stress can be more complicated.
It is often trickier to identify your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours which may contribute to your everyday stress levels. Perhaps, you may know that you are constantly worried about upcoming exams or work deadlines. However, it may be your procrastination, rather than the actual study material or job demands, that may be triggering the stress.
In order to identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
Do you explain away stress as temporary? (“I just have a million things going on right now”) even though you cannot remember the last time you took a breather?
Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always crazy around here”) or as being a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy, that’s all”)?
Do you blame your stress on other people, outside events or view it as being entirely normal?
Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.
An example to keep track of the source of your stress: Starting a stress journal
A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily log, you will begin to see patterns and common themes.
Write down:
What caused your stress, what happened right before you started feeling stressed? (make a guess if you are unsure).
How you felt, both physically and emotionally.
How you acted in response to your stress.
What you did to make yourself feel better, if anything.
2. Practice the 4 A’s of stress management:
Avoid, Alter, Adapt & Accept.
Avoid unnecessary stress: As mentioned above, it is important to identify your sources of stress, however you may be surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
Learn to say ‘no’ – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether it be in your personal or professional life. Taking on more than you can handle is a large contributor to stress. Distinguish between the "shoulds" or the "musts" and, when possible, say "no" to taking on too much.
Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship.
Take control of your environment – Your environment plays a large part of your well-being as well as your stress levels. It is important to ensure that you take control of your environment. For example, if the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less-travelled route. If going to the shops is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
Decrease & Prioritise your to-do list – Analyse your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. Should you have got too much on your plate, drop tasks that are not truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
Alter the situation: Should you not be able to avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up – If something or someone is bothering you, be more assertive and communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you have an upcoming exam to study for and your roommate is distracting you, politely ask them if you can have 1-2 hours to study or find an alternative venue e.g. library, lecture hall etc.
Be willing to compromise – When you ask someone to change their behaviour, be willing to do the same. Should you and another person be willing to make compromises, you will have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground and feel less stressed.
Create a balanced schedule – All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a balance between work and family life, social activities, and personal pursuits, daily responsibilities, and downtime.
Adapt to the stressor: At times there is absolutely no way of escaping the stressor or the environment. Alternatively, finding ways to adapt to a stressor may prove to be beneficial.
Reframe problems – Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than getting hyped up about traffic, take the time to enjoy your favourite CD/playlist or enjoy some alone time.
Look at the bigger picture – Take into perspective the situation at hand. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run? Will it matter in a month? A year? If not, place your energy elsewhere.
Adjust your standards – Perfectionism is a major source of stress. Set reasonable goals and standards for yourself and others.
Practice gratitude – When stress is weighing heavy on you, take a moment to reflect on the things that you appreciate in your life (your own positive qualities, your previous successes etc.)
Accept things you cannot change: Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You cannot prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or upcoming exams. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it is easier than fighting against a situation you cannot change.
Do not try to control the uncontrollable – Many things in life are beyond our control, particularly the behaviour of other people or exam season. Rather than stressing out over them or complaining, focus on the things you can control. For example, plan to study beforehand and query any uncertainty with peers or teachers/lecturers.
Look for the upside – When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Learn to forgive – Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.
Share your feelings – Expressing what you are going through can be very cathartic, even if there is nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist.
3. Get Moving:
When you are stressed, the last thing you probably feel like doing is exercising. Physical activity, however, can be a stress reliever and you do not have to be an athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good and it can also serve as a valuable distraction from your daily worries.
While you will get the most benefit from regularly exercising for 30 minutes or more, it is advisable to build up your fitness level gradually if you are beginner. Even very small activities can add up over the course of a day. The first step is to get yourself up and moving.
Here are some easy ways to incorporate exercise into your daily schedule:
Put on some music and dance around
Take your dog for a walk
Walk or cycle around your neighbourhood
Use the stairs at home, work, or shopping malls rather than an elevator
Park your car in the farthest spot in the parking lot and walk the rest of the way
Pair up with an exercise partner and encourage each other as you work out
Play a sport you may enjoy or an activity-based video game
While just about any form of physical activity can help burn away tension and stress, rhythmic activities are especially effective. Good choices include walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobics. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is something you enjoy so you are more likely to stick with it.
Whilst you are exercising, make a conscious effort to pay attention to your body and the physical, and sometimes emotional, sensations you experience as you are moving. Focus on coordinating your breathing with your movements, for example, or notice how the air or sunlight feels on your skin.
Adding this mindfulness element will help you break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress.
4. Connect with others:
There is nothing more calming than spending quality time with another person who makes you feel safe and understood. In fact, face-to-face interaction triggers a cascade of hormones that counteracts the body’s defensive “fight-or-flight” responses. It is nature’s natural stress reliever, as an added bonus, it can also help with symptoms of depression and anxiety which may contribute to your stress levels. So, make it a point to connect with others regularly, in person, with family and friends.
Keep in mind that the people you talk are not necessarily there to fix your stress. They simply need to be good listeners. Try not to let worries about looking weak or being a burden keep you from opening up. The people who care about you will be honoured by your trust. It will only strengthen your bond.
Of course, it is not always realistic to have a close friend or family member nearby to lean on when you feel overwhelmed by stress, but by building and maintaining a network of close friends, you can improve your resiliency to life’s stressors.
Tips for building relationships:
Reach out to a colleague at work, peers in your class or lectures
Help someone else by volunteering
Have lunch or coffee with a friend
Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly
Accompany someone to the movies
Call, message, or email an old friend
Go for a walk with a workout partner
Schedule a weekly dinner date with a friend or family member
Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club
Confide in a lecturer, teacher or tutor
5. Make YOU time – time for fun and relaxation:
Beyond a ‘take-charge’ approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by carving out “me” time. Do not get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you will be in a better place to handle life’s stressors.
Set aside leisure time – Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Do not allow other obligations to intrude in your YOU time. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Do something you enjoy every day – Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or walking with your animals.
Keep your sense of humour – This includes the ability to laugh at yourself and with others. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.
Consider taking up relaxation practice – Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing can activate the body’s relaxation response. A state of restfulness that is the opposite of the fight or flight stress response. When you learn and practice these techniques, your stress levels will decrease and your mind and body will become calm and centred.
6. Maintain balance with a healthy lifestyle:
In addition to regular exercise, there are other healthy lifestyle choices that can increase your resistance to stress.
Eat a healthy diet – Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with a healthy breakfast in order to keep your energy levels up throughout the day. In addition to this, maintain consumption of balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day to keep a clear mind.
Reduce caffeine and sugar intake – The temporary ‘highs’ caffeine and sugar provide often end with a crash in mood and energy. Reducing the amount of coffee, cool drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet could assist you in feeling more relaxed and less tired at the end of the day.
Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs – Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Do not avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
Get enough sleep – Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress levels because it may cause you to think irrationally and experience symptoms of anxiety.
In conclusion, everyone's stressors, reactions to stress, and ways of dealing with stress are different. It may take a little experimentation, a little time, practice, and patience – but you will find something that works for you. Keep trying and most importantly, try not to stress about it.
