Did you know that children experience anxiety too!

Childhood is full of new experiences that can feel quite scary for children. Think about learning to ride a bike or starting at a new school, for example. Children who may experience learning and attention difficulties may be even more likely, than their peers, to worry about school, social activities and change. They may also be more likely to develop anxiety.

Childhood anxiety symptoms are the most common type of diagnoses in children. These symptoms can cause severe impairment and excessive distress for the child. Children born to anxious parents are likely to be more anxious themselves. The reasoning for this association is unclear, however there has been research which implies that both environmental (parenting style, parent-child interactions) and genetic factors may contribute to this. Anxious parents may exacerbate their children's anxiety through a particular style of interaction, including being overprotective and excessively controlling.

Unfortunately, most children who experience severe symptoms of anxiety do not receive adequate assessment and treatment as the signs are often not communicated to the parents.

In this article, we will be discussing the signs to look out for of childhood anxiety as well as a few methods parents can make us of to manage mild anxiety symptoms.

1. Physical Signs of Anxiety

- Frequently complains of headaches or stomach aches, even though there is no medical reason for them.

- Refuses to eat snacks or lunch at creche or school.

- Will not use restrooms, except at home.Can become restless, fidgety, hyperactive or distracted (even though he/she does not have ADD/ADHD).

- Starts to shake or sweat in intimidating or stressful situations.

- Constantly tenses his/her muscles.

- Has trouble falling or staying asleep.

2. Emotional Signs of Anxiety

- Cries often.

- Acts extremely sensitive.

- Becomes upset or angry without any clear reason.

- Afraid of making even minor mistakes.Experiences extreme test anxiety.

- Experiences panic attacks (or is afraid of having panic attacks).

- Has phobias (about bees, dogs, etc.) and exaggerated fears (about things like natural disasters, etc.).

- Afraid that people will find out about his/her learning and attention issues (more so than other kids with the same difficulties).

- Worries about things that are far in the future (for example, a Grade 1 learner stressing about writing exams in Grade 4).

- Feels worried or afraid during drop-offs (at creche, school, relatives’ homes, etc.).

- Has frequent nightmares about losing a parent or loved one.

- Becomes easily distracted from playing by his/her worries and fears.

- Has obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviours (finger tapping, hand washing, etc.).

- He/she is starting to have extreme meltdowns or tantrums.

3. Behavioural Signs of Anxiety

- Asks “what if?” constantly. (“What if an earthquake happened?”).

- Avoids participating during circle time or other group activities.

- Remains silent or preoccupied when he/she is expected to work with others.

- Refuses to go to school.Stays inside, prefers to be alone at lunch or break time.

- Avoids social situations with peers after school or on weekends (extra-curricular activities, birthday parties, etc.).

- Refuses to speak to peers or strangers in shops, restaurants, etc.

- Becomes emotional or angry when separated from parents or loved ones.

- Constantly seeks approval from parents, teachers and friends.Says “I can’t do it!” without a real reason.

When children are chronically anxious and experience the above for an extended period of time, it can cause major stress for the parents as well.

Even the most well-meaning parents can fall into a negative cycle and, not wanting a child to suffer, actually exacerbate the child’s anxiety. It happens when parents, anticipating a child’s fears, try to protect him/her from them.

Here are some ways for helping children escape the cycle of anxiety:

1. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage and cope with it.

None of us wants to see our child unhappy, but the best way to help them overcome anxiety is not to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It is to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they are anxious. As a by-product of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time. It is important to remember that anxiety cannot be completed eliminated and by enforcing this belief, it may exacerbate their anxiety. On the other hand, teaching them how to cope with anxiety creates a more supportive environment in which they are able to learn that external triggers or factors cannot be removed but they can control their reactions to them.

2. Do not avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better immediately and in the short-term period, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. If your child is in an uncomfortable situation and he/she gets upset and starts to cry and his/her parents whisk him/her out of the environment, or remove the thing he/she is afraid of, he/she has learned that coping mechanism, and that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

3. Express positive, but realistic, expectations.

You cannot promise a child that his/her fears are unrealistic—that he/she will not fail a test, that he/she will have fun ice skating, or that another child will not laugh at him/her during a show & tell. You can, however, express confidence that he/she is going to be okay, he/she will be able to manage it, and that, as he/she faces her fears, the anxiety level will decrease over time. This gives him/her confidence that your expectations are realistic, and that you are not going to ask him/her to do something he/she cannot handle.

4. Respect his/her feelings, but do not encourage them.

It is important to understand that validation does not always mean agreement. So, if your child is terrified about going to the doctor because he/she is due for a shot, you do not want to belittle his/her fears, but you also do not want to exacerbate them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help him/her understand what he/she is anxious about, and encourage him/her to feel that he/she can face his/her fears. The message you want to send is, “I know that you are scared, and that is okay, and I am here for you, and I am going to help you get through this.”

5. Do not ask leading questions.

Encourage your child to talk about his/her feelings, but try not to ask leading questions— “Are you anxious about the big test? Are you worried about the science expo?” To avoid feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the test tomorrow?”

6. Do not reinforce your child’s fears.

What you should not be saying, with your tone of voice or body language: “Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of.” For example, if your child has had a negative experience with a dog. Next time he/she is around a dog, you might be anxious about how he/she will respond, and you might unintentionally send a message that he/she should, indeed, be worried.

7. Try encourage healthy ways of coping with anxiety.

There are multiple ways that you can help your children handle anxiety by letting them see how you cope with anxiety yourself. Children are perceptive, and they are going to take it in if you keep complaining on the phone to a friend that you cannot handle the stress or the anxiety. I am not saying to pretend that you do not have stress and anxiety, but let your children hear or see you managing it calmly, tolerating it, feeling good about getting through it.

In addition to these tips, it is always advisable to seek professional opinion and guidance, especially if 1 or more symptoms have been present for 6 months or longer, for more days than not.